In this advice from no less than the Election Omission, all the challenging issues an average Bengalurean voter faces have been addressed. The city will henceforth be deprived of any excuse for absentia or abstention on future polling dates.
Bengaluru: In a radical move aimed at solving the seemingly perennial problem of abysmal voter turnout in Bengaluru, the Election Commission has announced it would be allocating polling stations for Bengaluru voters at various resorts surrounding the IT city.
“Our initial plan is to allocate polling stations for Bengaluru voters at resorts across Coorg, Ooty, Bandipur, Masinagudi, Kabini, Chickmagalur, Wayanad, Yercaud, Yelagiri and Gokarna. We might add more, based on tourist, err, voter inflow. And the voting date will be fixed for a Friday. This should solve the problem of Bengaluru's pathetic voter turnout,” Chief Election Commissioner Sunil Arora told MyNation correspondent Vodka Dutt, much to the cheer of the citizens of Bengaluru.
“As a fruit of their labour of driving long distances away from the city on voting day, they will be given the opportunity to cast their vote at the reception, while checking in at their resort. I hear that resorts have agreed to even offer a discount to those who cast their vote. Polling at the resort was our last resort and this is a win-win for both tourism and democracy itself,” the CEC added.
“We’re also looking at the suggestion of having our officers at the Silk Board and Tin Factory areas, walking to each vehicle caught in the jam, with EVMs - that should maximise the turnout like none other,” the CEC smiled. “We had even planned to facilitate voting at the Chinnaswamy stadium, but given RCBs performance is even worse than the city's voter turnout, we don't think that would be worthwhile,” he further stated.
Resort owners in all exotic locations which are drivable from the IT city, have welcomed the move. “As it is, for the past few years, irrespective of where the voting happens, it is resorts like ours which unofficially make or break governments,” winked 5-star resort owner Dinesh Karthik Shivkumar. “Now, to know that we will soon be doing it even officially, by having voters vote here, brings a different kind of joy,” Shivkumar added.
The move, however, has left some citizens outraging. "What about citizens like us, who do not go anywhere on voting day, but stay back to do our national duty, only to get caught in traffic and not be able to vote?" screamed Python Naragaju, a Bengaluru techie. The CEC, however, reassured him that they will soon be tying up with food delivery giant Swiggy, to have their Bengaluru executives carry EVMs to voters' doorsteps when they place a food order and thereby record their votes.
This article is a work of satire
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Last Updated Apr 20, 2019, 4:53 PM IST